You both knew that you were on an equal playing field if you were touching each other, it was as a gesture of love or assistance. In each of those cases, you touched your friend’s hair as a loving gesture of equality.
Sure, you may have fond childhood memories of braiding a female friend’s hair or patting a friend’s head as they fall asleep beside you on a long drive home from a school field trip.
And the behavior you’re exhibiting is also something that, as a white person, you would be unlikely to encounter yourself. Why? Because, quite simply, it’s not your hair. Or, “I just wanted to touch it because it’s so different from my hair I just want to know how it feels.” That doesn’t matter. “But I really just think her hair is so pretty!” some might say. Many people might resist that idea, however. And because this is a standard - albeit painful - facet of the adolescent experience, most of us outgrow this pressure and insecurity as we grow into our own identities. But most of us generally encounter it in high-school with the pressure to conform to the standards of the cool kids. Now, if you’re human, there’s a pretty good chance that you’ve been subjected to this pressure at one time or another.
And if you’re surrounded, day in and day out, by the message that something is the best or coolest thing ever, you read the message loud and clear: everything that doesn’t fall into that category is weird, different, or bad. As a result, you might feel the need to style your hair a certain way, for example, or buy the latest iPhone, or wear the newest fashion in order to be accepted. Have you ever felt pressured to be someone you’re not? To act, look, or dress a certain way in order to fit in or win the approval of others? Maybe you’ve noticed that everyone around you is privileging a certain style of dress or a certain set of features.
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